March 23, 2008

When It Comes To Sex...

I stole this little questionnaire from someone's blog. I honestly don't remember from whom or I'd be giving credit. If I recall correctly it was one of those TMI Tuesday type things so you may have seen it already. I'm usually slower than everyone else when it comes to these! I liked this one because it discussed some of the more raw elements of sex. Who doesn't like a little raw every now and again?!

Is sex hotter for you when it’s forbidden? Or do you get wracked with guilt and it’s not enjoyable?
Okay, first I think the definition of forbidden needs to be explained. Forbidden to me can mean a couple of things...first, a you-should-not-do-this type of thing (a married man, a best friend's boyfriend, anyone that already has another woman's name on him...) or second, a wouldn't-this-be-so-incredibly-sexy-if-we-could-get-away-with-it type of thing (sex on your desk...during the day when anyone could walk in, sex in your parents' bed, anything that would get your arrested for public indecency...).
So know that we all know my thoughts on what counts as forbidden...of course it makes the sex hotter! Anytime there is the least chance of being discovered or caught in the act, makes the act more intense. While I would give that second type of forbidden a run any day of the week, I do not think I could handle the first type again. Yes, I said again. In college I had a relationship with a married man. It isn't one of my proudest moments and I don't fling it out there as a badge or something I'm bragging about. It just is what it is...an experience that makes up who and what I am. Of course I felt guilt (what self-respecting woman wouldn't?) and in the beginning it was easier to push the guilt away until after he'd left my bed and simply focus on the pleasure. Near the end, it became harder to excuse my behaviors (well, we both felt that way) and so we knew it was time to put an end to the whole situation. The thought that there was something he wasn't getting at home that I could give him (that he wanted desperately to take and I loved to give) was a very powerful feeling. Eventually though that feeling was replaced by doubts and guilt. Would I trade that experience...never. The whole thing taught me a lot about my sexuality and the limits I was willing to push, the type of relationship I would want to cultivate with my own husband so I wouldn't be left in a position like his wife, and finally about myself and how I would deal with the guilt.

Are casual sexual encounters fulfilling to you? Do you need an emotional commitment from your partner for sex to be fulfilling?
No, I've never had a one night stand and I honestly don't think I could ever do it. I'm not sure I could just be in a relationship where all I was was the place for him to put his dick. My hat is off to the women who can, but for me it isn't an option. Yes, I do need that emotional commitment or at least connection with my partner before sex is truly fulfilling. Aren't most people that way?! I think women joke about wanting to be like a man and not let emotions and feelings come between them and a good fuck, but I honestly think we aren't wired that way. Every sexual relationship I've been in was emotional for me. I don't always think the guy felt the same, but for me I needed that type of connection. The older I get, the more I crave that connection before any type of sex takes place. I want to know that I'm valued and cared about as a person outside of sex. I guess I want to be more than just sex. If I know that I'm respected and liked before I ever step into the bedroom, then I'm willing to be more open and honest about sex. Those are two things I think are huge components to fulfilling sex.

Have you ever joined or participated in an online dating site? If not, would you ever consider it? What about a fetish site, such as alt.com?
No, I've never been a part of online dating. I don't think that there is anything wrong with people that do choose to go that route though. Now, I have met people online through chat rooms and recently through blogging, but that is a little different isn't it?! The internet isn't as scary a place as it once was, so I wouldn't rule it out completely as a place to meet someone. As for the fetish sites...I'm not even sure I know what those are. So, no, I've never met someone that way.

Do you think that with all of the online dating sites that cater to every fetish and desire and places like craigslist that it’s more difficult to make a commitment and/or stay committed to your partner?
Someone recently told me that "the internet is the devil." While I don't know if I completely agree with that statement, I do think that the internet makes it much easier to get in temptation's way. I also know that commitment is a choice you make. If someone is out searching for a fetish/desire website or looking for someone to connect with then I would question just how committed that person is to their partner/spouse. Some might find this preachy or off-topic, but if you aren't happy at "home" and you are having to scour the internet looking for something to fulfill you then you have big problems. Turning to a website, starting up a chat with someone out there just looking (I've seen chat rooms called Married, But Looking...what the heck?), or putting yourself in a place where temptation can get the better of you are all things to avoid the problem. I would hope that if I was married (or in a committed long term relationship) I would have the courage to be open with my husband/partner about my needs, the problems, and have him there ready to help me find those solutions rather than just turning to someone else. (I had to scroll back up and re-read the question...I might have gone off topic!) Again, I think commitment is a choice you make (sometimes even a choice you make daily but still a choice) and if I'm committed then those sites and places aren't going to cause me trouble. The trouble comes when people are not committed.

What is the weirdest fetish you’ve heard of?
Ohhh, what a good question! Now, I've said it before, I'm a naughty girl wrapped up inside of a pretty darn good girl. I love them both, but thanks to one, I would consider myself to still be relatively innocent or sheltered when it comes to all the fetishes and kinks out there. I think group sex or orgies are pretty weird. On some days I think I could handle a threesome and on other days I think that is one too many for my liking. I don't think I could have sex with just one person in the midst of a whole group of people. I also think that incest is a pretty weird fetish. I'm not naive enough to think it doesn't happen, but that just makes my skin crawl. When it is against someone's will it makes me sick, but to think of the people that do it for actual pleasure... I am sure there are many other weird fetishes out there (and maybe I'm into them and just don't know it!) but those are a couple that I think fall under the weird column for me.

The definition of ‘fetish’ is so vague. Do you think you have a fetish(es)? If so, do you want to share what it is?
I think people call something they don't understand or can't relate to a fetish. I did it above...I'm sure people that are having group sex and sex with a relative don't consider themselves fetish freaks! It all depends on perspective I guess. Now, yeah...I think I have a fetish or two. As I've mentioned another time or two, I think pee play is erotic. That is something that not everyone can get behind or understand. It isn't a must have type thing, but I do enjoy it. Also, I find some of the elements of BDSM appealing. I like the giving up control, the physical marking (either biting, red marks left from a spanking, etc.....though not cutting or hitting type things), the being tied up or to something. I'm sure there are people out there that would read that and write me off as some freaky sex addict! To me, that isn't something out of the norm. Okay, I know the pee thing is naughty and I like that. But, giving my partner control or letting him leave a mark on my neck or breast...that isn't naughty. That is just something I like! Also, I really think to each their own. It isn't my place to say what is or isn't right, natural, kinked, or fetishie when it comes to others...just when it comes to me.

Go ahead and steal...some of you are just itching to do it!

6 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Very frank and interesting answers, Miss Naughty. A blogger called Ms Robinson has had more one night stands than she can remember. She loves the thrill of being desired. There's nothing at all strange about wanted to be spanked. How would you feel about running about in the garden on a cold night and then being warmed up by a big hairy gorilla?

Southern Sage said...

hmmm
you gotta do a post on the pee thing, how it came about, what it does for you, how it works, etc.
Great answers
you are right fetishes are i the eye of the beholder.
And they need to be qualified.
Define incest. 3rd cousins?
cousin -in-law. you see what I mean??

Stratocast said...

A lot of women may not admit it, but I think most like pretty much the same elements of light BDSM that you do.

Especially the giving up control part, even if it's as simple as holding a woman's hands over her head. It's freeing, really, because then none of the responsibility is yours.

And handing off responsibility is nice because then you don't have to "ask" for things. For example, I love having my nipples bitten (yes, I'm a guy!) But it's really hard to ask for it because I feel a bit embarrassed to say it out loud. So if I'm lying back and a woman is taking a control, there's a good chance she'll just do it on her own. At least that's what I hope . . .

Ah, the things we can admit to under the anonymity of pseudo-names!

Naughty Lakota said...

Well damn Strat... you sound like someone I could whip into shape, if you just weren't married. ~sigh~
I love to bite and be bitten.

Delightful post Naughty-doll. Many kudos to you. And here I was going to put you down for the menage plus with Sage. ~pouting~

Porno Spark said...

Very god and interesting answers there. Great post miss Naughty!!
Would you like get naughty with me...lol!!!

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