January 12, 2009

Simply Us

Today I was thinking about the movie Scarlett. Near the end, she and Rhett are standing by a massive fireplace and she says to him, "You once said heaven help the man that truly loves me." Then he moves toward her and takes her in his arms and just as he lowers his head for what you know will be the most passionate of kisses, he growls, "Heaven help me."

Ahh, bless men that can ride the tides of emotion and drama with the women they care about.

I don't normally discuss DF in terms other than relating the latest way he's brought me pleasure, but I want to just put some thoughts out there. And I'm sure he's going to be thrilled beyond measure that I'm doing so in blog format. I've hesitated to write anything more substantial because frankly I want to keep everything in a nice and orderly box...feelings especially. Once they start to spread beyond said box it could get complicated and messy...two things which I'm not really good at handling.

I've made no bones about my last relationship. It was passionate and destructive all rolled into one. When it ended I was left questioning my own ability to trust and care about someone else. You know how you do that...you swear no one else will get close enough to do that kind of damage again? Well...enter DF. It wasn't two months later and here he was...flirting and being sexy and charming and...well you get the point. Now, we've reached the one year point and I still can't quite believe it.

It is perfectly true that DF is really great about meeting the sexual needs, but he's really great meeting some more normal ones too. As I'd mentioned earlier, my grandmother passed away recently and he was there in all the ways he could be. I sort of feel like life has dumped a bunch of stuff on my lap lately...some good and some awful...but due to that I'm starting to feel like an emotional nut! I hate things out of control...especially my emotions...so dealing with it all has been wild to say the least. Still...here is DF...seemingly not scared off by this often emotional and dramatic turn of events. He's so unlike..."the other".

We don't really define ourselves or label things...like saying we're in a relationship. I mean of course we're in some sort of relationship because that is what you call close interaction with another person, but I don't think of it as a "relationship". I guess we're more....well just "us". I like that because I'm not really good at being in a relationship. I tend to question and mistrust myself and him. Being a part of "us" feels safe and normal...though I still question (just not as much) and I'm learning to trust (him and me) more.

So...why this rambling post you (and probably DF) are wondering? Because...this is kind of new territory for me and writing helps me process. Also, because I think letting you know he's more than just wonderful in all things sexual is important too. Mostly...because feeling again...well it feels scary but really good too.

3 comments:

Alfie said...

Beautiful thoughts. He's a lucky man.

asweetnectar said...

Dear,
Sometimes it is great to get it out and try to organize those thoughts. It seems like you do a great job doing so with the post. You also seem like there is a strong bond there! Keep it coming!

Naughty Girl said...

Alfie: You are sweet to think so. Hope you and Emma are well!

Sweet Nectar: It does help to see it written out. And also if I need to come back later if I'm wondering just what was I feeling...here it is!